As I look outside the window, the cool nite breeze came whisper softly and my thoughts was wandering. This loneliness that I felt inside is unbearable. I look at those gifts given by B and my heart soften. I was silent for awhile, thinkin about all the wonderful things that has happened to me for 4 years. I was blessed that I have met such a wonderful person that can accept me, thru good and bad. Thanks for being such a wonderful and loving person as you are! I'M NOT PERFECT
I've found something that was very important and private to me, which was my diary - wrote back in 2001 - when I was in Uni. It put me to tears as I read it. Things that I don't normally share with people. Things that happened after my 'accident'. I can still feel the pain when people talked bad about me. At that time, I was trying to be strong and positive as though I'm lying to myself. I am not a strong person. I look tough but I am weak. How can people treat you differently becos you're not a normal person anymore.
The thing that made me sad the most when I was in body cast (it's something like cement - been cast on my body to support my backbone which fractured during the accident - and God Almighty, with titanium metals screwed at my back, I can walk like others). Although it has already been 7 years but its there for the rest of my life. The metal plates cannot be remove and I don't want to experience the surgery ever again!
It was really sad when my housemates didn't come to visit me when I was in the hospital. I still remember when I cried to my best friends, when my family is not around, thinkin why these thing happens to me?? But I've promised to myself not to show to people that I am not strong (I guess I still am). But why we are forced by ourselves to act lies? Hmm...
My first diary that was given by my English teacher - Ms. Arivuk Karaci
Words of advice from herself
23 October 2001 - my first post
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