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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Confusion+%&*/>?


I'm confused and at one point, I really don't know what to do! But I've got my strength back coz I've been alone before and stand up on my own. How I wish things can be turned upside down, and only if I can turn back time... But I have to held my head high and walk straight. I know I've got to talk & clarify everything. But no, it's enough, it's not going anywhere either. I'm tired.

"Assalamualaikum fairuz,

harap awk sihat. sy dah ok kat sini. banyak benda sy nak kongsi dengan awk sepanjang awk tak angkat call sy, tak reply msg. sy sangat-sangat rindu kat awk. sy rasa mesti ada tingkahlaku atau kata-kata sy yang buat awk tersinggung. please fairuz, selagi awk tak maafkan sy, sy akan sentiasa rasa serba salah, dan sentiasa bersalah terhadap awk. dah beberapa hari sy tak tidur, malam bila teringat kat awk mesti nangis. hari tu sy demam. mc 3 hari n cuti sehari. lebih kurang seminggu sy tak masuk ofis. sy sedih sangat sebab buat awk macam ni. tolong bagi sy peluang sekali lagi fairuz. sy sangat menghargai awk dalam hidup sy, walaupun tempoh perkenalan kita singkat.

setiap apa yang pernah awk cakap, sy masih ingat. semangat awk kental walaupun awk tahu ada kekurangan dalam diri awk. semangat awk masa awk pertahankan hak awk dekat ofis lama, semua semangat awk tu sy pegang, dan itu buat sy mampu berdiri di atas kesalahan sy selepas terjatuh. sy dah tak tahan terima hukuman atas kesalahan sy ni terhadap awk. sy dah sedia terima diri awk seadanya, baik kelebihan atau kekurangan coz sy yakin dan sedar setiap apa yang berlaku ke atas diri kita ada hikmah yang tersembunyi.

fairuz, tolonglah beri sy peluang kedua. we start all over again. sy akan cuba sedaya upaya sy jaga hati awk. sy tak nak hal macam ni berulang lagi. terlalu perit untuk sy telan semua yang dah terjadi ni. sangat perit. sy sangat sayangkan awk. you are my shining star n i try to reach for my star. awk 'lelaki terindah' yang dah menceriakan hidup sy selepas sebulan sy terluka. sy harap lepas awk dapat msg ni, awk maafkan segala kesalahan sy terhadap awk. besar pahala memaafi kesalahan. terbuka hati awk untuk reply msg sy n tiada dendam dalam hati awk terhadap sy. harapan sy masih ada kekosongan di hati awk untuk sy isi. please fairuz, sy masih mampu tersenyum, tapi jauh di sudut hati sy masih lagi tak berhenti menangis. jaga diri awk baik-baik n assalamualaikum".

Love,

******
p/s- u do look great in new pics.



I replied:

"I'm not gonna be angry with you for invading my privacy. In fact, I'm glad that you did that. I want you to know the real me. I don't wanna hide anything from you, really. As much as I want you to stay with me, part of me is still telling me to let go of you. There's so many things that I fear of. What if I were to hurt you? What if one day you were to leave me or even the other way round? What if one day all this have to end? What if this relationship is going no where? Trust me, I never had the intention to hurt you from the day we first met but how I wish we could've take things slow and easy. I'm really sorry for what has happened but I think we couldn't continue anymore. I'm bound to make mistake since my previous relationship didn't work out. To be honest, I'm dating someone rite now and I've been knowing that person long before I knew you. Again, I'm sorry. Take care!

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